Papa’s Got A Brand New Bag

When we turned on the radio in 1965, we often heard James Brown sing the Grammy winning rhythm and blues hit, “Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag.”   Today, this has a whole new meaning to me.  First of all, my grandkids call me Papa.  Secondly, I’m a photo equipment bagaholic.  At present count I have approximately fifteen camera bags.  Now that’s ridiculous and I know it.  After all, how many cameras do I use and how many lenses can I bring with me when I go out shooting?  I ask myself this question every time I look in my closet at my bag collection.

Of my many camera bags, one I look at today and just shake my head is a ridiculous (by today’s standards) hard case covered with some black plastic leatherette concoction.  I shlepped this thing throughout a two-week trip to Europe in 1974.  It was uncomfortable and heavier than the camera and lenses it carried.  It did, however, hold every little souvenir I bought and a sandwich, all jammed in there next to the rolls of film.  Throughout the years I have purchased soft canvas bags, rock-hard canvas bags, and, of course, several made of what they call ballistic nylon. Bags like this are designed to protect your camera from a nuclear war or the upcoming Zombie apocalypse.

I have at least one bag made to carry those giant lenses…the ones that look like a bazooka.  However, I don’t photograph insects flying at Mach I on the far side of a three mile wide lake, so I don’t own any of those lenses.  So why did I buy that bag?  Just in case, I guess.  I also have several mini-cases.  Some are just big enough to haul around a Kodak Instamatic and one roll of film.  I don’t use my Instamatic anymore, nor do I shoot film.  But I just can’t part with these bags.  I have sling bags which I never use because they always seem to slip off my shoulder and sling themselves down into my crotch…not conducive to good shooting habits.  I also have one backpack bag which I use for storage.  I love all the little cubbyholes you can build with those moveable dividers.  When I first got it it took an eternity of moving them around so I could make just the right size cubby for each of my lenses. It has never left its comfy spot on a shelf in my closet. It holds a lot of lenses so that’s what I use it for; storage.  I have never put it on as a backpack.  I like to shoot spontaneously; often street shots.  How can I get to a lens quickly if it’s buried in a bag between my shoulder blades?  Maybe some day I will put it on… to correct my posture. Several years ago I fell prey to the craze of “messenger bags”.  I bought a few of these.  They’re much like the saddle bags that John Wayne slung over his horse’s back.  When I need to grab my camera from one of these, by the time I pull the flap over, I’ve missed the shot.  Then they started making these with a zipper on the top so you can reach through the flap to get at your camera.  So why don’t they just leave off the flap and simply have a zipper in the top of the bag?  Another problem is that at the ends of the zipper there’s barely enough room to get your hand in so you can grab the camera!

My latest acquisition is a bag which has the zipper and cleverly has one end which is wider so I actually can get my hand in.  Now if they’d only make one which is wide at both ends.  Then I could get to my camera and the extra lens that I have at the other end of the bag.  The bag I carry to the gym has this arrangement and I’ve been carrying that bag for almost ten years!  Hello…camera bag manufacturers…take a look at my gym bag for an innovative new design idea.

I guess I’ll be forever in search of the perfect camera bag.  Although I may be closer to the end of my search.  I’ve seen some ammunition bags in Army Navy stores (or whatever they call them now) that look like pretty good candidates.  I recently took a close look at my wife’s bag; another possibility!  I’m not ready to give up my search, but in the meanwhile, I think I’ll pen a song called ”Papa’s Got A Brand New Camera Bag”, a Grammy winner if I do say so myself!